Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i dont even know how to be here
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize