What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
