Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
