Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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