I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
