I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need a beard to bite.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
