babies were throwing up all over the place
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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