GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
