Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
