My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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