I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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