well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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