Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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