What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
