Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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