He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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