I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
