Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
