Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
