he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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