I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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