P.S. I can't hear my feet
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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