someone threw a dead crab at me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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