I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize