I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
