how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
