Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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