if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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