Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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