you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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