One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
