Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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