He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
