she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize