cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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