i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
