Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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