I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
BRING THE BAGELS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
