Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm always down for nudity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
