College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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