I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
