dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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