separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize
