So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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