I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
