i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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