but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
