Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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