Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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