She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
