i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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