My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
