If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
