ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
