I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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