By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
