Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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