We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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