loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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