Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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