he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
