The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
