R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
