Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
