He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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