So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had sex on a roof
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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