This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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