You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
