she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize