yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
