I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
