I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
