they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
