I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
