weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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